Leaping, crashing, and my word for this year

And re-entering this space!

It’s so hard to return after a prolonged absence, isn’t it? Well, I’m taking off a Band-Aid. Hello! Please ignore any leftover awkwardness and I hope you join me in the next paragraph.

If you’re new here, welcome! For my regular readers, thank you for bearing with my irregularity. And for any who don’t recall why you’re reading this and need to leave, please do so with my blessing. Life is too short to accumulate reading we don’t want or have time for. 

Life’s been happening all this while I’ve been away from this space. I’m sure yours has too. A life busy with good things that I prayed for. As is often the case with prayer, the answer comes with its own set of challenges–doesn’t it?  I’ve had to learn to navigate and pray through the challenges all the while enjoying the goodness these bring. I forget good things≠effortless or problem-free!

I pick my word of the year as a signpost, to serve as a reminder of how I chose to take on the next season of life. Would you believe that “leap” was my word for 2023? I have to laugh. You see, this time last year, I imagined I would make bold decisions to take courageous steps that would move me out of my comfort zone toward worthwhile endeavours. 

These epic ideations of courage were not yet attached to real-life matters but rather imagined versions of me. That’s why they felt so epic and appealing. Twelve months later, here I am, surveying my life. Annie Dillard famously said that “how we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” What were once prayer requests are now what fill my schedule and headspace. I think about what I considered then, and what it looked like when I “leaped”.  

 When I pray for something, my expectations tend to reach as far as the desired object–not so much the transformation said object might demand of me. To say nothing of the occasions when an answered prayer doesn’t work out. Like the job, I poured over in prayer and got, and needed to leave a few months later. I don’t have much to show for it now as far as salary, or experience–save the six months I was part of that team.

Yet the experience was as revelatory and helpful, as it was hard. It helped me discern and even encouraged me to keep practicing ways to use my gifts. While the jump led more to a crash, the crash brought to light important insights. I prayed for an opportunity that I really wanted and got it. It became a short-lived job. And an answered prayer that is part of the life I learned to receive this year.

This year I also took other steps forward that felt like leaps–each carefully prayed for over weeks, sometimes months. I joined the board of the Redbud Writers Guild, a community where I’ve been a member for several years. Also, after nearly a year of praying about it, my husband and I changed churches after ten years. It wasn’t over any doctrinal differences but to be in a cross-generational community. We did so with our pastor’s blessing. It was hard but also better for us. 

Each of these looks nothing like the brave musings I had entertained as I picked my word for 2023. Instead, all of the choices I made this year were made steeped in prayer, whilst feeling small, slow, and hopeful that God would catch me if I missed and fell. Think of a child squeezing a parent’s hand tightly as they jump into the water hoping adult arms will catch their small frame. He did.   

A leap is an act of bravery. It turns out courage looks nothing like what I had envisioned. I didn’t feel strong taking those leaps. They did not leave me feeling heroic. Not all led to successfully landing on the other side. But they each helped inform my life, my faith, and what my next steps could be. Most importantly, I found myself in God’s hands. Where I’m learning to find myself always. Not just when I need to take a leap of faith or desire something. 

Speaking of being with God, dear reader, as we enter December may the promise of Advent orient how you survey the past year and look unto the next one. Emmanuel, God is with us. 

I’ll share what during this year has made a difference that I’m carrying into the new year. 

See you next week, dear reader. And thank you so much for being here. The lights are back on;)

Blessings,

Paola