Hi there! We love before and after stories. Our ears perk up, we lean in to listen. I experience this often when I share how I became severely depressed despite achieving the “success” I always wanted. That’s one of my “befores”.
People want to know how, why, what happened next. I understand. I too feel invested whenever I hear or read about someone’s dramatic change. There’s something powerful about a life that was and now isn’t, because in its place a new way is found better.
But what about the middle? The day-in-day-out rhythm where the most extraordinary thing might be finding that parking spot at the grocery store or a good seat in the subway. This is where most of life is lived.
Beginnings are exciting, novel, pregnant with possibility. Endings are challenging. A number of years ago, I decided I wanted to train for and run a half marathon. I will spare you the details, you’re welcome.
But, what I will never forget, was how gruelling the last stretch was. I felt that it cost my body more to complete the last three kilometres than the previous 18! (That’s the last 2 of 13 miles, for my American friends.)
The wonderful thing about races is that every single person who makes it to the finish line gets a medal. It’s the quintessential A for effort. And it's well earned and deserved, for each had to train for months and show up on race day. The before was exciting, the ending hard and victorious. The year I spent training? Exhausting.
One of my “befores” is that I was good at my job. Never mind that workaholism and idolatry brought my pursuit for meaning through my work, to a halt. My “after” hasn't really felt all that exciting or victorious. That’s because I’m in the dead middle of it.
My “after” is more still than anything. What is quieter than writing?! No noise producing it, even less consuming it.:) Every now and then, I find myself lamenting and questioning why I didn’t choose a different path earlier in my life. Why I wasn’t an English major in college, and studied International Relations instead; or chose to go for Marketing in grad school when I could have studied theology. Could have, would have, should have take over my thoughts.
Living bookended between regret over what could have been, and the redemption of what ended up being can feel like the long months of training before a race. Too far from race day. Nowhere near the gruelling but promising last few miles.
I think of this verse, tucked away in the Old Testament: “I will restore the years that the locust has eaten” (Joel 2:25). It was spoken to a people who for four years lost their harvest, due to swarms of locusts. The promise wasn’t simply for a new harvest perse, but for the rebuilding of all, they’d lost. It was a promise only God can make.
Tears, laughter, memories, fights, jokes, fatigue, loss, beginnings, starting over, abrupt endings, new pages, questions, few answers. Life is made of these, sandwiched between our days. None of it lost. Every piece is part of the story.
My current middle is mostly silence, hard work, and a whole lot of learning. There’s nothing sexy going on. It’s a whole lot of sameness.
But in that sameness though, nothing is the same as it was before. Those years that sometimes seem lost, are in fact what led to an end. A page was turned, and a beginning began. What followed and continues to this day is a whole lot of new. Take heart! This is what God is the business of doing.
And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Revelation 21:5
Happy Friday! Since switching to a weekly format, I’ve been gauging what works for our correspondence. To make it more doable for me and more readable for you, Food for Thought will continue weekly but come in smaller bites. You can expect a similar length as today. On the last Friday of each month, you will get a fuller serving;) Which will include Worthwhile and Writer’s Corner resources. And, a post about books I’m enjoying.
The intent remains the same. Some food for thought to help see things (life) in a different light (Jesus). Bon appetit! ;) More grateful for your company than I can express.
Hasta el proximo viernes! (Spanish for, See you next Friday!)
Paola